


Hesitation

by CherryRedBomb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:43:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryRedBomb/pseuds/CherryRedBomb
Summary: Following the events of spn 14x18, Castiel  reflects and wants to talk to Dean.





	Hesitation

Castiel stands in the doorway of the garage, hesitating. He can hear rattling ahead of him and can sense the faint smell of gasoline seeping into his trenchcoat. 

Sam held him back earlier and the memory of it nearly propels him across the threshold. He had felt the waves of grief rolling off of Dean more keenly than the heat of the fire. 

Sam probably would've stopped him now, but he had managed to slip past his room unnoticed after Rowena called again. The two were already looking into what could be done about Jack. 

Not that Castiel lacked concern in that regard. They were all worried, but the man he was watching now, working on the Impala... Well, he was here. Castiel could see Dean, touch him, comfort him if he could just muster up the courage. He could ask him for forgiveness. 

You're dead to me, he had said. And sure, Castiel had still been allowed in the bunker. Sure, he had still been a part of the Hunter funeral. But he hadn't been near Dean since. Sam's presence might well be the only reason he was still there. 

Suddenly, the rattling stopped and Dean stood up straight. 

Castiel made to back away, postponing the confrontation, but then -

"I know you're there Cas."

Sleeves rolled up, Dean turns and slumps against the door of the Impala. Tools are scattered in a small pile next to him and the hood is ajar. He drops whatever he's holding into the pile and beckons. Then he tenderly closes the hood of the car, before turning to watch Castiel expectantly. 

His body protests, trapped between his desire to reconcile with Dean and his fear that he'll instead be lashed out at again, and things made worse. But he is always drawn to Dean and can only resist for so long. 

Still, he approaches cautiously, like Dean is a mine that can be tripped. "Dean, I-"

He's stopped with a hard look.

Then, Dean suddenly looks uncomfortable. Sheepish, even. It's disarming and Castiel feels himself relax reflexively, before he braces himself for some kind of mercurial outburst. 

"Dean...about Mary..."

"Not now Cas," he interrupts, "Sam and I talked and- well he said I should-" Dean scrubs a hand over his face, smearing grease down his cheek. 

Castiel waits, pertubed.

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry Cas, for...for yelling at you like that earlier. We had talked about it. We all knew what Jack was capable of. Hell, I even had Donatello warn me and I ignored it same reason as you." He puts a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I trusted us as a family. Just like you." 

His hand slips down and away and he begins to walk past him. Castiel turns and grabs his arm, "but Dean, I failed you. I failed Jack. I failed Mary. I should've done something more."

Dean turns back to face him. "Mom. Jack. It's on all of us Cas. She's at peace like you said. We gave her the proper send off like we always do. Just one more thing left that we always do. Save our family. Save Jack."

He turns as if to walk away, but then swings back and wraps one arm tightly around Cas, almost an embrace. 

"So don't go off alone again now." His voice is low in Castiel's ear. "Stick close and we can work together, as a family, to save Jack. Don't make us have to go and save you too."

Just as suddenly, he lets go and walks away. 

Castiel stands there, hesitant to leave the garage now. 

Conflicting feelings are rising like a tide within him; warmth at Dean's apology when he thought he had needed forgiveness, but also frustration at being told not to run off like a child. As he lingers, he's also painfully aware of his deal with the empty, mocking him in response to all that has transpired with Jack. 

Strangely, as he moves to follow Dean back into the bunker, he takes comfort in the grief and stress that settles onto his shoulders, overwhelming the rest. 

He will stay. For Dean.

He will work with the Winchesters tirelessly to save Jack and they will find a way because that's what they do. 

Still, with a sinking certainty, Castiel knows there is no happiness in his future.


End file.
